How to reply to an email from an ex

Updated November 12, 2026

Decide what you want before you write: no contact, civil contact, or a conversation about a specific topic. Then reply in a few calm lines that match. You don't have to answer, and you don't have to answer fast. Keep it short, and don't revisit the past in writing.

Reply: Take as long as you need, up to a week. No answer is owed on a deadline. Waiting a day or two helps you reply from what you want, not from a surge of feeling.

What your reply should say

Decide your goal first: closure, civility, practical business, or silence.
Acknowledge that you received it, in one line, without reopening old topics.
State clearly what you're willing to do, such as nothing, or a short exchange.
Close politely. Don't leave an opening you don't want.

3 replies you can copy

Pick the one that matches what you want to say, copy it, and change everything in [brackets].

1Polite no contact

You want a clean break and no further messages.

Subject Re: [Their subject]

Hi [Name],

Thank you for your message. I read it, and I wish you well.

I'm not going to be in touch, and I'd ask that you don't contact me again. Please take care of yourself.

I think that is the best thing for both of us.

I hope that is clear and fair.

[Your name]

2Civil and brief

You're open to staying friendly but not close.

Subject Re: [Their subject]

Hi [Name],

Thanks for reaching out. It was good to hear that you're doing well, and I'm glad for you.

I'm doing well too. I'm not looking to catch up in depth, but I wish you all the best.

Thank you for understanding, and I hope the year treats you kindly.

Take care,
[Your name]

3Handle one practical thing

You have to settle something specific, like belongings or a shared bill.

Subject Re: [Their subject]

Hi [Name],

Thanks for your email. Regarding [practical matter], I can [action] by [date].

Please send any details by email so we both have a record. After that, I think we can leave it there.

If that works for you, please reply with a time.

I hope that makes it simple.

Best,
[Your name]

Already late? Send this instead

For when you are a few weeks late or more. Own the delay in one line, then do the job.

Subject Re: [Their subject]

Hi [Name],

I got your message and I'm sorry for the late reply. I needed time to think about how to answer.

[Your decision: wish them well, say you won't be in touch, or address the one practical issue.]

Take care,
[Your name]

Mistakes to avoid

Replying at night or while upset. Wait until morning and reread it.
Rehashing the breakup in writing. It rarely helps and gives them more to reply to.
Leaving a vague "maybe someday" if you actually want no contact.
Sharing the email widely for opinions before you've decided what you want.
Mixing practical business with emotional topics in the same message.

Questions people ask

Do I have to reply to an ex?

No. If you want no contact, you can say so once in writing or not answer. If it involves children, a shared lease or property, answer the practical parts and keep them separate. Use your own judgment about your safety.

What if I still have feelings?

That's common. Write your honest draft for yourself and don't send it. Then write a short reply that reflects what you want in the long run. A trusted friend can read it before you send. If it gets heavy, take a break from reading it. It is fine to let a day pass before you answer.

More reply guides

How this page was made

Written by Westward, who make Orbit, as starting points you edit before sending. The replies use placeholders, not real people or real mail. Nothing here is legal, tax or medical advice; for contracts, money or health, check the document or ask a professional. All reply guides.