How to reply to a request to be someone's reference
Updated November 12, 2026
Reply within two days. If you can speak well of their work, say yes and ask for the job description, the deadline and how the employer will contact you. If you cannot give a strong reference, decline kindly now rather than give a weak one later. Honesty protects both of you.
- Reply
- Within 2 days. The person is waiting on you to put their application forward. A quick answer lets them find someone else if you cannot help.
What your reply should say
- Answer yes or no clearly in the first line.
- If yes, ask which role they are applying for and what to highlight.
- Ask for their current CV and the deadline.
- Confirm which email or phone number the employer should use.
3 replies you can copy
Pick the one that matches what you want to say, copy it, and change everything in [brackets].
1Happily agree
You can speak well of their work.
Hi [Name], I would be glad to be a reference for you. Working with you on [project] was a good experience. Could you send your current CV, the job description, and a note on what you would like me to highlight? Please also tell me when the employer might call and the best number to use. Best, [Your name]
2Agree with limits
You can confirm facts but not give a glowing review.
Hi [Name], Thank you for asking. I can confirm your role, your dates, and the work you did on [project]. I may not be the strongest reference for everything, so it would help to know what the employer will ask. Send me the details and we can decide together if I am the right person. Best, [Your name]
3Decline kindly
You cannot give a good reference.
Hi [Name], Thank you for thinking of me. I do not think I am the best person to be your reference, as I did not work closely with you on [area]. I would suggest asking [better person], who knows your work well. I wish you the best with the application. Kind regards, [Your name]
Already late? Send this instead
For when you are a week late or more. Own the delay in one line, then do the job.
Hi [Name], I am sorry I took so long to answer your reference request. I would be happy to help if the role is still open. Please send me the job description, your CV and the date the employer plans to call. If you have already found another reference, I understand, and I wish you luck. Best, [Your name]
Mistakes to avoid
- Saying yes when you cannot be positive. A lukewarm reference can hurt more than none.
- Agreeing without asking which job it is for, so you cannot tailor your answers.
- Promising details you do not remember. Ask for a reminder of projects and dates.
- Leaving them waiting. A silent "maybe" costs them time.
Questions people ask
Can I say no to being a reference?
Yes. You are not obliged, and a polite no is kinder than a poor reference. Keep it brief, do not list reasons you could not defend, and suggest someone better if you can. If you have time, ask them to remind you of the work you did together so your answers are accurate and specific.
What if my employer has a policy on references?
Some companies only confirm job title and dates. If yours does, tell the person upfront and point them to HR. Check your own policy, and do not offer more than you are allowed to share. Whatever you decide, tell them quickly, because a late no can cost them the chance to use someone else.
More reply guides
How this page was made
Written by Westward, who make Orbit, as starting points you edit before sending. The replies use placeholders, not real people or real mail. Nothing here is legal, tax or medical advice; for contracts, money or health, check the document or ask a professional. All reply guides.